She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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