She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
