Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
