You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
