The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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