I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
