He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
