Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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