Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
false alarm. still invincible.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
