i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
