I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
