what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
