I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Randomize