she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
