What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
