But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
