so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
