Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
