He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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