I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
