It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
When did angry sex become our thing?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
