Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
