if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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