i wish my penis had a tongue
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
