this boner is exhausting
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
