I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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