I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
