Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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