"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
