please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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