I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
