quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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