a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
