I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize