a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
