i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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