I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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