if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
If that was your dad, he is hot
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
