I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
