there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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