im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
