I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
she told me i tasted like america
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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