Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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