its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I bet he comes in French.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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