I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize