theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
