So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I wish there were birth control emojis
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Randomize
