Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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