if i can run in heels then i can drive
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
