so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
