they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
