i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I supernannyed him into submission
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
