I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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