I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
