Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
