Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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