PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
