How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
