how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
