do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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