your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
