She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
