I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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