Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize