Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
