Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
