Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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