um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
