Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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