"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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