there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
