and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize