it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
