I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
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