Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
