Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
