Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
