May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
