My hair reeks of homosexuality.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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