He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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