I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize