dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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