The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize